Bye Bye, Butterfly
by Escapeism
Summary: What Rei was never rescued from the waves of the harsh sea that cold, stormy night on the island? Nagisa finds a way to cope, and find his smile again. For Rei's sake. (I'm going to hell for writing this, aren't I? Warning for Character Death and tears, I suppose.)


How long had it been now? A couple of months, maybe. He stopped counting after a few weeks. For every second felt like a day dragging by with no sense of excitement; there was no more excitement in his life like there was before. Ever since it happened, it was the same thing, different day.

Most weekends he just stays at home, holding himself up in his bedroom and just reading… Maybe crying. It varied… But, most of the time it was the same. Whenever he dipped himself into the water of the pool, he just felt immediate fear. It didn't hold that same excitement and refreshment that once held in the past.

Nagisa was finding it difficult to cope with his own emotion, no matter how many times he told himself to smile; it just seemed difficult. If he even tried to smile, it felt like he was trying to pick up a cement brick on his own; it was like a heavy weight. Much like his guilt. It was a heavy burden on his shoulders.

For Rei's sake, he tried to smile. To stay happy… But no matter what, seeing that empty seat in Maths class, it brought him back down to his own self-hate. The classes no longer buzzed with that same intelligent air and enthusiasm… All because of him.

Of course, when they went to the deserted island in order to train; Rei was out in the water. For what reason, nobody knew… Before Nagisa could even reach him, he was gone. Where he had gone was a mystery to everyone there… The waves claimed him, the sea was the cruel siren, and it pulled Rei down into his watery grave.  
Lord knows how long Nagisa swam for; all he knew was that no matter how many times he screamed the boy's name, he was gone.  
That was only one part of it. It was the guilt he felt, the defeat when he couldn't retrieve his friend from the colliding waves of the ocean, no matter how he tried he felt like he had personally failed Rei.

But he was gone. That was the hardest part. Dealing with that guilt, to the fact that he couldn't even save Rei, he felt like he could have tried harder, perhaps swum more… He could have found him. They all searched on every desert island, but there was no sign of Rei. Not a single trace of the boy. The only thing that was probably left of him was his bag of clothes and glasses, back in the tent.

Nagisa was the one that found it the hardest to cope. But, now he was just far too afraid of the ocean to even go near it. To him, it was a mere enemy.

But then, one day as he stepped through his household, he noticed the wine bottles on the side that were ready to be thrown out for recycling. Nagisa stared at them for a moment, before a moment finally clicked together in his mind. He grabbed one of the bottles and removed the cork, washing out the wine bottle and taking it up to his room.

Nagisa never had hope in himself, and for that moment he believed that he was actually being stupid… But he needed closure one way or another; he needed to get over it.

The blonde ripped an empty page from his large notebook and began scrawling down a letter to Rei.

* * *

'_Dear Rei Ryugazaki,_

_I'm not sure how to start off this letter… I don't write letters for people very often, but I hope that perhaps you read this… That's unlikely, but I want to write this for you Rei-chan. _

_I think the first thing I want to say is that I'm sorry I couldn't get to you in the storm that night. I hope you know that I tried very hard for you, but it was too strong. _

_I'm sorry, Rei-chan… I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me._

_The swim team really misses you, Rei-chan… It's kinda quiet without you! I don't swim much anymore, though. Most people began joining it in order to celebrate your life… Kind of sweet, huh? I just like watching everyone swim and have fun! _

_Math class is super boring without you too. It's weird when you aren't nagging me all the time._

_I think I will continue to send you letters. Wherever they end up, I hope someone can maybe remember you too, and remember how much of an amazing person you were to me! You changed my life, Rei-chan, and I hope I did the same to you._

_I suppose this is me trying to move on… It's way more difficult than I thought it would be. Sorry for being bad at writing letters._

_So, I hope maybe one day we will meet again Rei-chan. And, I wish I had told you before; but… I love you, Rei-chan. _

_I'm glad you joined the swimming team!_

_Love,_

_Nagisa Hazuki~_'

* * *

Nagisa wrapped his paper into a thin scroll and he stuffed it into the bottle, clogging up the hole with the old grape-smelling cork. For a moment, he felt stupid and considered throwing it out altogether… But like the sea had claimed Rei, he wanted the sea to claim this message… Part of him hoped it reached Rei one way or another. He continuously began to tell himself that he should have confessed to Rei earlier… But, he was gone. The only way that he could possibly know is if he somehow got hold of the letter. Impossible as it was for Rei to be able to read it, Nagisa needed to do this, to ease the pain in his heart.

* * *

One short trip to the seaside later, people looked at him oddly with the old wine bottle in his hands with a scrolled up bit of paper. It was a little out of the ordinary but nobody asked. Nagisa considered going to Makato and Haruka to ask if they wanted to join him… But he didn't want to burden them, and decided he should do it on his own.

And then there he was, standing at the end of the dock with the bottle tightly held in his grip. The breeze of the sea blowing through his hand. It was strangely calm and tranquil, but it had a strong current. For one last moment, he looked at the bottle and wished that Rei could read it... He just wished as hard as he could, even closing his eyes and holding the old bottle close to his chest just whispering 'Please' over and over again.

After a moment, he tore the bottle away from his heart and he threw it out into the water, he watched it sink beneath the waves for a second and then begin to float properly in the water. Nagisa watched it finally be taken out to the deep sea; he stood until it disappeared from his vision.

Nagisa waved out to the sea. And, he smiled.


End file.
